Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Hooks Of The Heart

Spent some time at home, doing some soul searching on my part.

It’s like… I have been quite some time that I notice my emotional patterns as well as knowing how I handle situations when I’m disappointed or down, and somehow I’m surprised that I haven’t changed much from that point. All the time, I have been putting myself in some sort of a Lose/Win relationship when it comes to close relationships, that things like emotional suppression, concealed sarcasm and indirect aggression seems to be my typical cycle when I feel neglected or not being able to get what I want to get what I wanted. And only I notice how emotionally dependent I am to the views of others and how others treat me.

And so because of that, I always find myself in an emotional pendulum… and in the end find myself feeling empty inside.

Did made me wonder… how much damage that I have caused… and how much I can afford to ruin? And the very last thing that I wanted is to see my own personal life in shambles… all done with my own hands.

… I really have to admit that I really sucked in human relationship and communication, and that I now felt as if I’m still wearing the white belt in this department even at my own age of 23. (feels like I’m still learning how to walk, in a way)

Somehow I really feel stupid now.