Today’s Drifting Thoughts: When Negativity Kicks In Again

I guess this is not the first time I feel all down and lonely again for no real reason. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel that… well, it’s like I’ve going back to square one. Hmm… or should I put it like, I feel exactly the same way like what I did during my depression period a year ago… or am I? I don’t know, it just seems not me to delve into such negativity for such a long period of time, and it’s like I came to a point where I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything productive, not to mention I’m starting to get pretty avoidant to quite a lot of serious things that has some sort of connection with “self-responsibility”.

Honestly speaking I have no idea what is the real reason which makes me feeling down for. Probably you might say that “If you don’t know the reason of what is making you feel down for, what’s the use of feeling down in the first place.” That’s probably right from many aspects, and I totally agree with that. But it’s like, from time to time, this negative feelings just seem to trigger and engulfs me whole. Perhaps using another analogy, probably it can be describe as I’m just feeling sick, just the only difference is that the agony is much less physical.

Looking back to my past entries, I can’t help but to notice that I did mention about this from time to time, probably to a point of repeating myself where the only difference is that how I describe this sort of unknown sorrow. Up until now, it’s like I’m still unable to identify what’s causing this kind of emotion… is it low self-esteem? Anxiety? Loneliness? Being overly self-critical? Unsatisfied with my current situation/progress? Frankly speaking I would say that every one of them does contribute, but I just can’t seem to indentify a main reason for this.

But I do notice that I’m much more easily depressed when I didn’t have enough sleep (I need 8 hours, anything less than 6 would make me feel weak) and when I’m all stressed out, which is probably the case in which the main reason why I typed this post because this negativity is amplified by the day. But yet that doesn’t explains what makes me feel extremely negative for.

Ah… I think I’ll just stop here now.