March 2004 — First Taste of Clingin’ On
“As much as I tell myself that I have to let it go, I didn’t… I was living a dream… but I hate to admit it…” — March 2, 2004
- Depression period starts
- For the first time I ever I owned Japanese Yen~ (but sent to Dom to get some CDs during her Japan trip later :p)
- MYPPF -The Animation- is in work in progress, and close to finishing it
- Got canned soup for the first time and currently enjoy to have them once in a while 😊
- Sent my loan application… ON TIME 😄
It’s about two months ever since Bean left, but having him to be my first crush, obviously it’s really hard for me to let go. Every time when I tried to reassure myself that I’m able to move on and being able to set him aside in my heart… I can’t. Even now I don’t think I’m able to forget the times when I’m feeling in love (mind the “I’m” part because except for Erika, every single person that I loved ended up to be one-sided).
So basically that’s pretty much considered the real beginning of my depression period. I still remembered how the sadness has engulfed me… it’s like… there’s nothing to looking forward to… anymore. And I’m just sitting there, looking forward for him to be by my side, as much I know that wasn’t going to happen in the first place…
And now I can still clearly feel how depressing it can be when someone is absent in my life… Reading back the poems written on that month itself does reflect back how empty I felt deep inside.
March has been an extremely busy month for me, with school work, assignments and work piling up like no end ^^”. Talk about bad time management XD. But I consider myself lucky to get through all this :p.
To be honest, I believe March means a lot to me actually. It pretty much set the fertile grounds for me to let me learn all the important things in life and to bounce back. Through this depression period I get to know how beautiful life is, how important love is to me, how much inner strengths I had in myself. To use a metaphor, it is the backdrop, the blackboard for all the positive things I seek for to shine so brightly.
As much as I’m fearful that I might fall back into this depression again some day… I believe… that I can bounce back up again.
… I love you, Bean. I know I still do :).