In the contrary of yesterday’s preview, I spent my time at home today, finishing work which needs to be done soon. Somewhat I got over with the over-dwellings for Choon Hui, but somewhat it seems to be replaced by a feeling close to a hunger for touch. It just strange though, it feels like there’s some sort of emptiness fills inside your chest and the only cure is to find something or someone to hug. So basically I’m sitting in front of my compie to do my work and at the same time having a pillow close to me.
Loneliness is taking its toll, I guess? But then, humans always have desires, and things like eating, drinking or perhaps even sex is part of our lives. I’m just wondering whether love and touch should be consider “wants” or “needs”? Somewhat it does made me wonder though, because it’s seems easy for us to say that it’s OK to be alone and love is optional, but desire always arise to disprove that statement. And yeah, I’m one of those who said that and I think that I just wish that I’m able to take my words back… well… not totally, but my solid arguments for it are starting to slip and chip away from me.
Just now when I’m walking home, it just happens that the conversation I had with Ahmed a week or two ago starts to come back to me. Loneliness, friendship and life itself is the focus of our conversation that time. I’m not all that religious, since I’m pretty much a freethinker myself, but to some extent, Buddishm does mould a lot of my own views on life. And I always believe that “Life by itself is suffering, and it’s up to us to get out from the endless loop”. And in their philosophy, the outcomes in life is pretty much a consequence of our actions, either in our present or past life. And everyone we knew, whether friends or enemy, have some sort of connection which is blinded by fate (if that’s a good description). As simple that sounds, this piece of wisdom is definitely millions time more complex than it should be, especially when you try to piece these two philosophies together, it does make sense as well… Sometimes our action does make friends and enemies, but sometimes how good or bad an action can’t be judge only by its surface, but we certainly can’t control other people perception towards.
Sigh, I just wish I can just say “To hell whatever other people think” and get over the stupid nagging in my head. Guess I do need more practice on that one.
Hmm… I think I’m making a fuss out of fine things again. But I just hope that I can find an answer for that.