Today’s Random Thoughts: Immature

First off, on a much light-hearted note, I went to the bus station with Tommy to book our seats to Penang. But apparently the earliest bus to Penang with available seats are in 3:30pm, which is not desirable since we don’t really think of spending another night in our hotel nor having less time to have fun. But there’re morning tickets available on the 30 April, so we book that instead and make some slight changes in our plan. So… Penang, here we come! 😄 But the downside is that I have to part with the Internet for two days, which is OK since I don’t really feel the need to be connected everyday, just that I have to leave my journal blank for two days… But I guess a plain pen and paper should do the trick while I’m away 😉 (since I can back date my entries in my journal).

Then we went to the cafe where Hang (a.k.a. A-Kuei in MYPPF) works. And yum, the set lunch is delicious! 😊 Have some nice conversation going (and luckily there’s aren’t too many customers to serve, so Hang can accompany us), then we head to the arcade for some para-fervour.

Then when we had finished and visit Hang again, Tommy’s friend, Lee Ping, is sitting there having her meal, she tried to say hi, but Tommy seems like he didn’t notice, then she just pokes him in a friendly manner and then both of them having some casual greetings and stuff, and then Tommy just take a seat on another table. Somewhat some friction is happening, and it seems that I didn’t sense it coming… until Lee Ping finished with her meal and approached and sat on our table.

Then after that… she brings up Tommy’s lost handphone event, which afterwards turn up to some… um… squabbles. Apparently she have been listening to two different accounts of the story: the one Tommy gave and the actual account. I’m not going to put this in, but all I can say that she’s really upset about that. But soon after, I feel like I’m entering a whirlpool and no escape… and as much I believe that walking away and not sitting in the middle of it should be a much more better and rational thing to do for the good for all of us, I’m still glued to my seat for some unknown reasons. Possibly got stranded because of my own insensitivity of the friction which is happening before that. So the next best thing I can do is to keep my mouth shut and don’t comment on anything.

During my presence in that situation, I starting to see part of Tommy’s college life and personality being unfolded (albeit it’s obviously not positive). Apparently Tommy isn’t too popular among his classmates, having some undesirable events, and a lot of things that I seriously put it in public. But that’s not important part, the important part is that I’m seeing a reflection of myself from their “conversation”… Somewhat I’m almost like Tommy (umm, at least my interpretation along the lines), being a lone wolf most of the time, with some sort of “odd” (whether positive or negative) behaviour. Somewhat I guess the only thing that differentiate us is that Tommy already knew that he’s unpopular among his classmates… but I don’t seem to get any sort of feedback from my surrounding, due to my insensitivity to my surroundings, I suppose.

Then another remark that caught my attention is that when she said that Tommy is acting immature in some events. I’m not to comment anything about that, but somewhat I feel the power of the remark itself… I don’t know, somewhat I have starting to fall into my own whirlpool of thoughts as well, evaluating some of my actions and thinking about the concept of maturity. Sometimes it is just strange, most of the time, it’s easy to identify someone acting immature, but how do we define being mature? Yes, being able to respect other people is one important aspect in the maturity concept, but just how we draw the line of maturity to judge our own actions? By my perception of the maturity expectation from my surroundings, I would say that most of my actions are very immature in many ways… But then acting to be mature is so restrictive at times, or maybe I have generalized maturity too much? (and rereading this paragraph does look like I’m only touching on the surface of things without going any deeper… but I can’t seem to string the ideas well)

Anyway, after a while, luckily the topics got steered away into some cheery ones and the tension is somewhat dissolved. But I’m still quite deep in my thoughts, listening from both sides, apparently there’s no exact right or wrong between two parties, and somewhat the “You-Just-Don’t-Listen & Stop-Bringing-That-Up” scenario does happen a lot (I’m sure most of you get what I mean by that). But thinking about it, if Tommy is being really unpopular, she would as well put a blind eye on that. But she didn’t… is that she did it on purpose? Or is she really concerned about him? If it’s the latter, I would have said that she is a much “genuine-but-not-appreciated” friend of Tommy. But of course, only knowing her today, and being a total outsider, I have no right to make judgements. Guess that is something that Tommy has to figure out himself.

Just before I leave, she mentioned that we haven’t introduce ourselves yet. Then I’m like… pausing for a while, then blurted “Well, most of them call me Felix, but I prefer… (Seh Hui [my real name])”, as I have yet to finish my sentence, Tommy interrupted with “He’s Felix” (I don’t think he intentionally do that, it seems like a later response to me). Then I get to know that she is Lee Ping, and we went separate ways, with me following Tommy back. On the way, he remarked about he still being mad of her, and ask me about my views about the lost handphone incident. I just made some polite advice and we head our way home. But somewhat on my way home, the maturity issue is still rolling in my head… and thinking about the “Felix/Seh Hui” issue again. As much as Shakespeare’s famous quote “What’s in a name?” rings loud, I have been thinking whether I’m acting as myself irregardless what name is being called. Somewhat I feel that I have been receiving a lot of positive nurturing from “Felix” (as in the crowd who knows me by that name)… but I want to feel proud with my real name as well, I hate to feel like I lose my name that my parents gave me, especially in real life…

Maybe I have been thinking too much. But then I think I seriously needed to reevaluate my own actions and personality, if that were any help anyway. Somewhat I do wish I’m much more sensitive though.

[p/s: Anyway, you guys can call me by Felix, since I’m known by that nick online. I’m just concerned about my interactions with real life and my name that goes with it, that’s all. And… eek! Long entry again! o_o”]