Just before I go for the gathering, I decided to have lunch at home, and at the same time fill a big bottle of drinking water (My aunt has a drinking water filter in the kitchen, but she always locks the kitchen at night for safety. So just to save me the trouble, I usually keep the water supplies in my room, just in case I need a sip). But since the tap is pretty slow, so my plan would be like: Putting the bottle under the tap while I’m having my lunch.
But when I finished my lunch and prepare to wash the dishes, the bottle is half full, and there’s only one sink in the kitchen. So I just sit nearby, staring at the water filling up the bottle. Somewhat it kind of strikes me when I pay attention to it, it seems that although the surface is rippling due to the water flowing into the bottle, the water underneath it looks all calm and silent. I tried to focus on the base and try to pay attention to it, but my eyes seems to be more interested with the increasing water level and the ripples on top.
Somewhat the a kind of anxious energy is building up on me while I keep my eyes on the water level. A kind of anticipation that we are waiting for the outcome (the water level reaches to the top) to happen. Yet, I can’t stop but noticing the water at the base of the bottle which seems to be calm although the water in the bottle seems to be in motion.
This kind of silence and motion kind of struck me in some ways though, and I just happen to link it with time. It’s like… we are the observers of our own life, anticipating something, a goal, perhaps, to happen. And everyday, time and events acts like a flowing water filling up our bottle of life, causing ripples and motion on top of the surface. But as we didn’t notice it, we are pretty much a product of our own past and present, there’s no way you can identify which partition of water is filled in the past and which is filled during the present, it just blends in into one single body, forming our own selves. As much it seems like nothing much is happening, but looking closer, all this silences and motion is what made us human. Our dreams, our desires, our own actions, the things which surrounds us… we just happen that our physical form is like the bottle itself, while our development is like water, and our soul is like us observing the bottle itself…
While I’m still forming ideas, it just happens that the bottle is full and I have to put my thoughts aside to focus on dish washing. And walking out on the streets, I just happen to start noticing my surroundings. Never before I had that kind of calamity and serenity for a long time: No fear, no doubts, no worries, no desires… it’s just… calm in the inside. And no, it’s not of something like nothingness, in fact it’s pretty much the opposite, and I can still experience my own emotions and feelings and my senses are in fact heighten to a point that I start to notice the things around me.
The experience itself is really exhilarating: it’s like having a moment of Zen. A kind of inexpressible happiness and calm seems to surround me. Somewhat I feel like some sort of positive energy is filling up in me, it’s pretty much indescribable, but on the outset it just feels like there’s nothing inside, yet there’s a feeling of fulfillness. I slow down my pace, watching my own surroundings for a while, it seems like the sights, the sounds, and touch is totally different and beautiful, and I’m asking myself like “Why I didn’t notice this all awhile?” Somewhat it struck me like I’m receiving a small gift from a greater force (or God, if you like to put it that way).
I wonder what happened to me all of a sudden. But it’s really enjoyable though. Hope it’ll last for a while despite the current stressing situation (finals… duh).
[:: sidenote ::] It’s only day two with Allen and I feel like going overboard today XD. Strange… maybe I should tone down a little, and chill a bit :p. The experience is still so sweet :).