Today’s Drifting Thoughts: In Hues of Blue

Today, I really feel like I’m “In Hues of Blue” (it’s my journal title, in case you are not aware of it). Basically I really liked blue, a lot in fact, because it has the calming and peaceful effect on me. However, blue can also mean feeling down, depressed, or perhaps rejected. Hence… Feeling blue.

Out of the blue, I suddenly feel isolated. You know, the kind of feeling that you feel that you don’t seem to fit into your own surroundings/society, or among a group of friends. It’s really like… everyone around you know that you exists but they don’t really notice that you are there. Perhaps except on some occasions that they need your help or something (usually I would gladly do if I got the time), other than that it’s pretty much like a “Hi-and-Bye” kind of relationship.

I don’t know, I usually didn’t notice this when I’m living my own life. But sometimes I just sit there and think about it, I started to notice some of my little behavioural details: an introvert self, usually being like a lone eagle most of the time, and perhaps… don’t really talk that much (unless it’s interesting, but usually the stuff that I’m really keen to talk a lot is perhaps work or hobby related stuff, and some really mind boggling philosophical stuff).

For some reasons, my online persona is almost a little bit different from real life. Yeah, I still suck at chatting nonsense in IMs, but when I participate in message boards, I feel a real sense of getting all out in expressing myself. Somewhat I’m feeling like I’m living as two different person, and sometime I can’t stop but envy myself the Felix (my online nickname) side of me and really hope that I had that kind of expressive power in real life.

I don’t know… whether I’m living a lie, or it’s only me being myself. Sometimes I just can’t help but feeling a little bit lost and lonely during blue-ish times like this…

Now… as much as I hate it, there’s still deadlines that will keep me occupied. I really hope that those are not the only things will keep me occupied…

[::Random Thoughts::]

• I still feel crushed when I look at the crushes that I had. Sometimes just looking them hurts a bit when I think that I can’t seem to give them anything…
• Perhaps I feeling a little bit stressed out, now I notice that I’m starting to put up that indifferent look. I hate this…
• It’s still raining outside :’-(